Children have unique struggles at different stages of their age and development. Each stage of development has specific growth challenges for us to overcome. The truth is, this continues across our lifespan. A 5 year old has different developmental challenges than a 9 year old just as a 32 year old has different life stage challenges than a 62 year old. Understanding the unique challenges that come with each developmental life stage is important when attempting to address other struggles and issues.

In general, children struggle to manage their emotions. This is simply due to the fact that their brains are not developed enough to process their experience of all the complexities and contradictions life brings. Let’s face it, even adults can struggle to process their experiences of life! Children’s brains and nervous systems (referred to as neurobiology) look for external security and rely on caregivers to help them process and manage their emotions. Their brains then use those interactions as models for future self-regulation when they are emotionally overwhelmed.

In addition, children's unique personalities play a significant role in how they respond to challenging and injurious experiences. Children in the same home may respond in very different ways when faced with similar experiences. Reactive children are understandably often prioritized as their level of disruption is obvious. However, shy or introverted children may internalize and hide their distress. They may seem fine on the outside, but research has shown they tend to hold the same levels of cortisol (stress hormone) in their bodies as children who may be more overtly reactive.

Children’s brains are also not developed sufficiently to make cognitive sense of distressing events and issues in their life. This part of the brain does not “turn on” until adolescence and even then is attempting to process, make sense, and learn how to use this new cognitive ability. Because their limited ability to cognitively make sense of their experience and environments, they tend to hold their distress inside until it spills out in seemingly random or inappropriate times. An outburst may seem unrelated to a particular event, or their inability to tolerate disruption or distress may seem suddenly out of character. This is generally because what is occurring in the moment is the tipping point of whatever they are already holding inside. Because of these challenges, talk therapy is often insufficient to organize and process children’s emotions and experience. Thankfully, children frequently express their thoughts, feelings, and inner experiences through their play and imagination.

Our play therapists are trained to assist kids to work through complex issues and traumas in ways that match their ability and needs. Play therapy allows children to work out narratives and emotions through natural play. Our play therapists are able to engage with children in this play in specific specific ways to offer new understandings, disrupt harmful and false narratives, and facilitate new corrective experiences.

As children cannot change their environments and are highly sensitive to what happens in and out of the home, we like to work with parents as well as with the child. Helping parents understand what is happening with their child and how to shift some of their own behaviors to help their child can have a powerful impact on how children are able to manage their feelings and behaviors. We may ask for some time or even some sessions with parents to help them develop skills unique to their child’s specific issues and needs.